The C word and the R word…

We always teach our children that honesty is the best policy, which is a wonderful sentiment. But as parents, teachers, ministers and role models are we all prepared to live the same philosophy? It’s easy to say “don’t lie” but what happens when we have a good reason to lie to our children? Is there a good reason?

I think that when we are tempted to lie to our children about our past, it’s out of fear and love. There is nothing wrong with embracing your mistakes and learning from the consequences no matter how severe they may be. But what do you do when your child has the potential to make the same mistakes that you made? You will do whatever it takes to protect them from doing something stupid, even lie. But what happens when they find out that you lied? Are they going to continue trusting you? Has your open door of communication slammed shut? When bigger more pressing issues arise in their life will they be sure you are telling them the truth about your experiences, or will they assume that you would lie anyway to protect them?

What if they ask you about your teenage years and you tell the truth about your mistakes. What if they find out that you would drink, smoke weed, have sex, skip class, vandalize property, disrespect your parents, cheat, steal and lie? You can see it now. They are grounded for whatever reason and among the chaos of dealing with the situation and punishment, they drop the, “Well dad smoked weed” bombshell. What do you do? Doesn’t it seem like whatever path you decide to take, to be honest or to lie, has a potentially horrible outcome? So why talk to our teenagers at all? Why not let someone else deal with it? That’s just what we do. Let someone else deal with it.

Consequences. What an awful word. To know that every decision you make has some sort of consequence can be rather scary. Sometimes you make decisions that you can easily get over and shake off. Other times you make decisions that haunt you forever and you will think about on the day you die. But they are the decisions you made, and there is no taking them back. Regret. Another horrible word. A word that infects you like a cancer. Even in the light of the greatest forgiveness and grace known to man, regret will still follow you because you will always wonder, “what if…”. These are the words we teach our children, but are unavoidable. Our kids will face both words and have hands on experience with both by the time they grow up and have kids of their own, and start the cycle over again. But how can you protect them from such consequence and regret?

You can’t. It cannot happen. All you can do is love as Christ has loved you. Jesus laid out so many guidelines for how you should live not so you can get to Heaven, but experience Heaven on earth. To live life to the fullest here and now, not just after you are rotting in the ground. And despite his teaching you still disobey him, we all do, because he lets us make those decisions. When you fall he is always there for you, even though you still have to suffer the consequence and regret of those decisions. Yet you can always rest on the hope and promise that Christ loves no matter what and that is what you should be to your teens.

We have to teach our students that there will always be consequences for the decisions they make, and those consequences are theirs, and theirs alone. Sure you made your mistakes, but be honest with your kids about them. Explain that every decision they make has a consequence, and no matter what you did, they have the opportunity to do better and make their own decisions because the consequences will be theirs alone as well. And as Christ is always there to help pick up the pieces and be an example of forgiveness and love, may you be the same to your children as well. And remember, how you react in tough times can bring with it it’s own C word and R word.

Thoughts?

Harry Potter and Other Things That Are Wrong With the World.

     I have started noticing a trend. Whenever people don’t understand something or aren’t used to an idea, technology, government policy or whatever, it breeds contempt. Contempt by it’s very definition is  an act of despising something or a lack of respect or reverence for something or someone. This emotion is how I would describe people’s reactions to things they don’t understand. It doesn’t make sense to me. Let me give you a few examples.

     I work for a non-for-profit youth ministry. Whenever someone tells you that they are basically saying, I am poor. I am not complaining. I have more than most people. But what comes with my job is the fact that I have to have jobs on the side as well. Last winter I took a part time job working for a Christian book store. There are so many times that people come in and get into discussions with their friends or other employees about “what is wrong with America.” Things like “Video Games, that Facebook thing, Rob Bells book saying Hell don’t exist, Harry Potter and his satan magic and Barak Obama bein a terrorist!” to name a few. When I hear these conversations taking shape I feel like all I can do is shake my head and wonder how ignorant people can be. My perception, and all it is for now is a perception, is that most of the people who have issues with things like that probably have never done any research regarding those things or even given them a chance to make an impression of any kind. I have a lot more respect for someone who will say, “Yeah, I read Harry Potter and I just don’t feel like that would be beneficial for me or my kids.” I can respect that. But very few people who actually oppose Harry Potter have read the entire book series. I did, and guess what…Harry Potter can easily be paralleled to Jesus. What an amazing opportunity. But many people wouldn’t know that. Surprisingly I have felt absolutely no urge to start casting spells and waving my wand around. I might even make a t-shirt that reads, “I read Harry Potter and my faith survived”.

     I am the type of person who will try almost anything. ALMOST. The way I see it God gave us millions of opportunities to try different things, see different places, experience millions of thrills and eat all kinds of food. And for me to say that I found my favorite thing right here in Indiana is just crazy talk and puts limits on the opportunities that God has given me. Have you ever seen the Hubble telescope photos? They are amazing! Imagine if we were just just happy with our little solar system and had no interest in exploring what was further?

     I guess what I am saying is that if you have an issue with video games pick up a gaming magazine, or even play a video game. Maybe you’ll learn something and gain a respect for games that you didn’t have before. They still may not be your thing, but maybe you can at least grow to appreciate them as an art form. I have played many video games that I have found just as moving as a good book or movie. Crazy I know, but true.

     If you think Facebook is what’s wrong….get an account. Explore what it is all about. Connect with some friends that you haven’t seen in years. The worse thing that facebook has done is limit conversation starters at class and family reunions, because now it’s easier to see where life has taken people. The only people who have ever gotten hurt or stalked are the people who post too much on facebook.

     If you are super pissed that Rob Bell doesn’t believe in hell, then you obviously haven’t read his book. Maybe you should stop listening to what everyone else complains about and says and find out for yourself. I think Rob Bell is just as entitled to his doubts, questions and thoughts as everyone else. All he does is ask questions, and if questions rattle your faith so heavily maybe you should stop worrying about him and worry about yourself.

     Next time you feel like complaining about president Obama not being American, well then maybe you are just ignorant. 

     I think the next time someone gives me the, “What’s wrong with America/the world/these kids these days” speech I am going to ask them, “Really what did you think of Harry Potter? Oh you didn’t read the books? Good thing people aren’t as quick to judge you without knowing anything about you, then the world would really be screwed”.